The Next Big Thing
LimBei is my nick
KLKX is my name
design'by- *blackraeyn;
the lonely story
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Thriteen Time
I think this is gonna be a depressive blog! I am having depression again. Why? Because of the same thing. My "fang bu xia" personality. Today was having a christmas party at christine condo. Thank you for letting us use the facility in your condo again. Really appreciated it! Hope you like the present the corp gave to your family as a token of appreciation. Today party wasnt a real party that i will define it. It is much of a gathering sort of event. There wasnt really any real event to follow. Some play pool, some play heart attack and some just slack around talking. My sec 1 only three turn up, Amelia, May, Aisyah. i can see that they did not really enjoy themselves. They were kind of reserved. Did not mingle around. Staying at one corner talking around. Then sec 2 was having fun themselves, playing nonsense pool, heart attack. I think Christine was kind of tired or what, she was like looking at everyone play. Then the sec 3, Vincent, Wei Xiang and Chin Boon was slacking at the function hall. Yan hsiang was trying to mingle around with everyone. Vincent, can you dont always give attitude. Yan hsiang was trying to be nice and asking you three to get into the photo. I dont know the details but i saw her shouting at you with lots of words. You must have made her quite mad. Be nice! Dont bully her. I thought that my sec 3 matured this yr. Yes! They did mature this year, but their relationship got worst. Vincent was somehow the evil guy in the sec 3. His attitude was shit! I do not wish to say this. But i think there is a need for him to change his attitude. Dont waste my teachings on you, not only in SJ but in life. Taught him about how to think, how to survive as a softhearted person. Hope my teachings or advice does not go to waste. It is my life experience and I have gone through more. I am not the typical 18 yrs old, going for fashion or anything. My life is full of duties, shouldering responsibilities, balancing life with SJ, full of shit for me to clear. Haiz~ Continue! Then the sec 4 was mingering around, playing pool also. Weifen, jing ying, jerilyn and dicky was there.
Weifen~~ I really like you for a long time. Can say ever since you in sec 1. You were always full of smile, so cute, so nice to be with. But i could not do anything. In SJ, you were my junior. And i know that senior and junior should not get into any relationships. It will affect the corp, others will start talking bad things. The sense of biaseness will be there for others to talk about. I really wanted to be with you, caring for you, knowing that you are well. But my dedication to SJ forbids my being with you. I was really happy to know that your sec sch years are ending. I was counting down to your last O paper. Because i know that I will be free from any restrictions once you are out of KSS. I was thinking of starting a relation with you. But I suddenly realise that, my meomory of you was stuck to the time i left sch in 03. You felt different or i felt different. It is like a person you like for so long suddenly become so alien and strange to you. i have been thinking of this thing for a long long time. But i dunno how to start or do anything. Are you the same Weifen i knew in 02-03. Or am I the same Kenneth you knew in 02-03. I dunno! I really dunno!
I think partly is my fault. I am gonna admit it now. Amelia, I have never hope that the words going round the corp that i like you can hurt you so. I know you have been evading me ever since ZPN. Well! You have the right to evade me, but please do not do so during training. In training you are still my cadet and me your officer. I will do my best to draw the line clear. And did you just cried at the balcony just now? I am sorry if i have hurt you in anyway, my intentions was not to hurt you. I need some time to think. I cant do anything now except to wish that you are happy, and dont F**K hurt Amelia in any way, anyone.
Am i a flirt or hua xin? I dunno. Ong says that i gan qing fan lan. I did not agree. But i really did not know what to describe my situation now. I am stucked. I feel like a bastard now. Liking more than 1 person. I know it is not right for me to do so. But i dunno. I just want to make them happy, share problems with them. They are the only two person that i really hope to enjoy their life, happy, worry free. BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! Cliff also told me to choose one quickly. But i cant put down. My nature doesnt allow me to put down things that i have a feeling in. Or is my thinking disallowing me to choose? I dunno. I really dunno. I am a bastard. A real bastard. Cant think. Sorry to you! I need time to think. Can I think?
Wanted to say out everything in this blog. I dont feel like bottling up everything anymore, i have kept quiet for too long. Causing me more stress and hurt. I do not like to write out my deeper thoughts, but it is on the brink of explosion. Haiz~ The thoughts of seeing two of you at the same event made me scared. I cant foresee what will happen, but i know i will be stressed somehow. Sorry Amelia! Sorry WeiFen! BASTARD LIM! Sorry for myself! "Wo hao zang"
ps. The truth hurts!
and so He speaks
